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Where Did The Time Go?

Posted on Wed, 07 February, 2018

As I write this, I am struggling to find enough time to give it the proper attention a blog should have; at least when you want to be taken seriously. In the past several years, time has taken on a different meaning. Not just because I am a mother and watching little kids grow up makes for long nights and short years. Rather, as a working mom, meaning I have essentially two jobs, there is not enough time in a day, or a week. Where did the time go?


Time is both cliché and existential in a way that makes my brain hurt. Time heals (true, and it takes a lot of it!), and it forces us to face shortcomings, issues and relationships we avoid. It also structures our work, free time and long-term projects. There’s not enough of it. There is not enough time for me to feel I am applying myself particularly well to any one thing, especially restful, rejuvenation. There is definitely not enough time for that. Where did the time go?


Personally, I can figure out the time thanks to a book by Laura Vanderkam, 168 Hours: You have More Time Than You Think. When I read this book 5 years ago somehow I had more time, because I remember feeling far less stressed for time than I do now. Not sure why since my kids were 4 and 7 years old then, which meant I had more hands on parenting required than their budding independence allows me now.


Central to Vanderkam’s book is journaling the time you spend, at everything. Which in itself requires time, that frankly I hyperventilate over at the thought of taking away from what precious little time I have for everything else. That’s a vicious cycle, negative feedback loop, and frankly bullshit. Alright, so I did the time log again, and I can answer my rant of where the time went….


It is largely going to my business: training to develop my psychotherapy practice (including learning how to start a podcast) and my family. Roughly 83% in fact. That leaves 17% of free time you might think, but frankly the majority of that is sleeping and devotion at the gym. I love exercise of any form, it keeps me sane and able to eat most of what I want. A measly 5% is left for free time and I think that is why I am freaking out. There’s not enough time to recharge in my jammies, and putter around reading a book. I think the real issue is I am unbalanced.


Socially this has consequences too. People look at me funny when I say I haven’t seen any episodes of Game of Thrones, Pretty Little Liars, Walking Dead, Mrs. Maisel or The Handmaid’s Tale. They make concessions to talk about “boring” stuff cause I have no idea what’s going on in pop culture. I have no time! I have finally accepted, and allowed myself, to mostly stop working when I get home. I recognize that I want to do nothing.  I will procrastinate doing more work in favor of vegging out in front of the tv to decompress. Yet something is always pulling my attention: kids homework, teaching kids again how to shower, clean up and organize their backpack, each for the five thousandth time. You name it, it’s set on derailing my down time. My focus. Sanity.



There is always something needing to be done.  It feels like you’re not productive, or God forbid, keeping up. I long for the days when voice mail existed for a reason, and was used for that reason. Remember when you had to wait for things to happen, like through the US Post office delivery? Of course you do, causes Millennial’s aren’t reading this, they can’t relate. They have no idea what a stamp is.


Free time is a luxury, a commodity really, and I see my kids angling for more of it at every possible moment. Responsibility is a kind of kryptonite to them that I have to imagine is true for most kids – at least American kids of some means. Clearly their stepping up helps me and them by learning how to adult. Speaking of balance, how does one balance responsibility for kids with a happy childhood they won’t be in an office like mine in 20 years lamenting their controlling and unbalanced mother? I’ve read the requisite books by Wendy Mogul, Julie Lithcott-Haims, Madeline Levine, etc. etc.  I know what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong.  Honestly, I think part of the problem is that I’m a Gen Xer, holding herself to Millennial expectations, while still thinking like a Gen Xer.

It is no wonder in my free time I read books on time travel!! I just made that connection.

This will be a short blog – laundry is waiting to be folded, more podcast on-boarding, and I wouldn’t mind some time in the latest time travel romance I’m reading….




Jodi Klugman-Rabb is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Marin and Napa Counties. She specializes in connecting with clients on a humorous and practical level, helpful when specializing in ADHD, trauma and Parental Identity Discovery. She uses EMDR to treat traumas and fears of all types. She is a wife of 18+ years and the mom of two funny and awesome kids. Connect with Jodi on her website or Facebook.


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A blog written by a hip, sometimes irreverent shrink who’s been around the block and calls it like it is

Humor is a great way to make sense of the world around us - and a little psychological perspective never hurt

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